I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if only i could text you this smell
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
