literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
