I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
