I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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