Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
