just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
3 2 1 whiskey
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
