no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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