So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
