Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
