Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
