so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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