Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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