I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
