It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
