nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
and i looked up. we had an audience...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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