Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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