Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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