I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
