How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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