i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
