my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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