Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize