Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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