Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
