so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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