This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
