I'm lost and stupid without you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry about my life...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
