I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cat gives me a boner
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
