your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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