Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so let's talk penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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