I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
