so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
