the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
