You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex on a dog bed..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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