i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
