people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
