dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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