Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
