Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
