I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
