She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
