The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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