So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Say something about gay babies.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
