Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
