I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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