Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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