just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
