I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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