i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
