Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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