Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
