i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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