hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
