YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
one might say we're banned from that church
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
