My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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