I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
