And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
