Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
