he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
