just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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