Cold hands, warm shart.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
