Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
