I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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