she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I could make wine with my vomit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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