remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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