I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You've changed since you got that strap on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
