i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
