i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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