Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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