As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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