I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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