yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
