In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
